The Christian Family

Keep it short, true, and about Christ. A young child can grasp the main things: who God is, what sin is, who Jesus is, and that we must turn from sin and trust in Him.

You might put it like this:

• God. God made everything, and He made you. He is holy and good, and we must obey Him.
• Sin. We have all disobeyed God. The Bible says that "all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). Sin is serious, and God must punish it.
• Jesus. God sent His Son. Jesus is the Son of God, who became a man (Shorter Catechism 21). He never sinned. "Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures; And that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day" (1 Corinthians 15:3-4).
• Turn and trust. God tells us to turn from our sin and trust in Jesus. "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved" (Acts 16:31). Jesus said, "Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not" (Mark 10:14).

Teach it often, and in ordinary moments: "thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way" (Deuteronomy 6:7). Read the Bible with your children, pray with them in family worship, teach them the Shorter Catechism, and bring them to hear the Word preached.

Remember that a clear explanation does not by itself save. It is the Holy Spirit who opens the heart. So pray for your child, keep teaching, and trust God, who can make a child "wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus" (2 Timothy 3:15).

Listen: Spirituality, Simplicity and Worship, Romesh Prakashpalan (from 4:16). Read: Family Worship; Counsels to Christian Mothers, Archibald Alexander.

The Lord's Prayer stays the pattern for every prayer. Jesus gave it when His disciples asked, "Lord, teach us to pray" (Luke 11:1), and the Shorter Catechism calls it "the special rule of direction" for prayer (Shorter Catechism 99). Beyond learning it by heart, here are three ways to help children grow in prayer.

Teach them the shape of prayer. Prayer is "an offering up of our desires unto God, for things agreeable to his will, in the name of Christ, with confession of our sins, and thankful acknowledgment of his mercies" (Shorter Catechism 98). The Catechism also teaches us "in our prayers to praise him" (Shorter Catechism 107). Children can remember these parts with the letters ACTS, and pray in their own simple words:

• Adoration. Praise God for who He is. The Lord's Prayer begins, "Hallowed be thy name" (Matthew 6:9).
• Confession. Tell God the wrong things they have done, and ask forgiveness for Jesus' sake.
• Thanksgiving. Thank God for His goodness: food, family, health, His Word.
• Supplication, that is, asking. Ask for what they need, and pray for others: family, friends who are ill, the elders and ministers of the church, and those in authority (1 Timothy 2:1-2).
• Always in Jesus' name. End by asking for Christ's sake.

Teach them to pray the words of Scripture. Short prayers from the Bible suit children well: "Open thou mine eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of thy law" (Psalm 119:18); "Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me" (Psalm 51:10); "Search me, O God, and know my heart" (Psalm 139:23).

Let them hear you pray. Children learn to pray in family worship, as they hear their parents bring real needs to God. "Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God" (Philippians 4:6).

Read: Family Worship; A Method for Prayer, Matthew Henry.

God commands, "Honour thy father and thy mother" (Exodus 20:12), and that command lasts for life. But honour never means doing wrong, or staying in harm's way.

What honour includes. It is "all due reverence in heart, word, and behaviour; prayer and thanksgiving for them" and "willing obedience to their lawful commands and counsels" (Larger Catechism 127). A grown son or daughter is no longer under a parent's rule as a young child is, but reverence, prayer and kindness remain.

Parents have duties too. The fifth commandment binds parents as well as children. It requires them "to love, pray for, and bless their inferiors", that is, those under their care, and to go on "protecting, and providing for them all things necessary for soul and body" (Larger Catechism 129). "Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged" (Colossians 3:21).

What honour does not require. Obedience is owed only to lawful commands: "We ought to obey God rather than men" (Acts 5:29). The Catechism also names parents' sins, among them "commanding things unlawful" and "careless exposing, or leaving them to wrong, temptation, and danger" (Larger Catechism 130).

Protecting life. The sixth commandment requires "lawful endeavours, to preserve the life of ourselves and others" and "protecting and defending the innocent" (Larger Catechism 135). Keeping a safe distance from someone who has caused harm can be a lawful way to do that. Honouring a parent never means hiding abuse. The Catechism forbids "holding our peace when iniquity calleth for either a reproof from ourselves, or complaint to others" (Larger Catechism 145).

If someone is in danger. If anyone is in immediate danger, call 911. If a child may be at risk of abuse, report it to the police or the child-protection authorities. If you are an adult harmed in the past, whether to report it to the police is your choice.

Honour from a distance. You can still pray for your parent, speak respectfully, and help in real need. Seek grace for the "forgiving of injuries" (Larger Catechism 135); this does not mean pretending nothing happened, or dropping the limits that safety requires. "When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up" (Psalm 27:10).

If you are carrying this, please speak with an elder or use our contact form (not for emergencies).

Read: Domestical Duties, William Gouge; The Forgiveness of Injuries, Samuel Stanhope Smith.

Scripture speaks warmly of adoption, and gives us two reasons to think well of it.

First, God adopts. The gospel itself is a story of adoption. God chose His people "unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself" (Ephesians 1:5). Christ came "that we might receive the adoption of sons" (Galatians 4:5). The Confession says that believers "are taken into the number, and enjoy the liberties and privileges of the children of God" and "have his name put upon them" (Westminster Confession 12). Every Christian was once a stranger and is now a child in God's house. So adopting a child pictures the grace we have received.

Second, God cares for the fatherless. He is "A father of the fatherless" who "setteth the solitary in families" (Psalm 68:5-6). His people are to share that care: "Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction" (James 1:27). Scripture gives examples. Pharaoh's daughter took in the infant Moses, and "he became her son" (Exodus 2:10). When Esther's parents died, her cousin Mordecai "took for his own daughter" the orphaned girl (Esther 2:7).

Scripture does not command every family to adopt, and it does not treat adoption lightly. An adopted child is to be loved, provided for, and brought up "in the nurture and admonition of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4), just like any other child in the home. If you are weighing adoption, the elders would be glad to pray with you and talk it through.

Read: An Exposition of the Westminster Confession of Faith, Robert Shaw; Redemption Accomplished and Applied, John Murray.

Scripture does not mention IVF (conceiving a child outside the mother's body) or surrogacy (another woman carrying the child). But its principles are clear, and we believe they rule out both.

• Children are a gift. The psalmist says "children are an heritage of the LORD", and "the fruit of the womb is his reward" (Psalm 127:3). Hannah prayed for one: "For this child I prayed; and the LORD hath given me my petition" (1 Samuel 1:27). The longing for children is good. The question is how we may seek them.
• Marriage. Marriage "was ordained for the mutual help of husband and wife; for the increase of mankind with a legitimate issue, and of the church with an holy seed" (Westminster Confession 24.2). The words "legitimate issue" mean children born to a husband and wife. God joined husband and wife as "one flesh" (Genesis 2:24), and they belong to each other (1 Corinthians 7:4; Hebrews 13:4). Surrogacy, and IVF with donated eggs or sperm, bring a third person into the making of a child. Abraham did this when he took Hagar to obtain an heir (Genesis 16). In doing so he "introduced a third party into his marriage instead of trusting the means God had ordained and promised to bless" (Paul J. Barth, A Christian Case Against In Vitro Fertilization).
• Life. God knows each human life from its beginning. "Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written" (Psalm 139:16). IVF makes embryos outside the body, and many are frozen or discarded. Yet "A fertilized embryo is a human life" (Barth). The sixth commandment forbids "all taking away the life of ourselves, or of others" (Larger Catechism 136).

Where we stand. For these reasons we hold that IVF and surrogacy are not lawful ways for Christians to seek children. We say this without condemning any child, for every child, however conceived, bears God's image: "for in the image of God made he man" (Genesis 9:6).

Adoption is different. It brings a child who already lives into a family that will love him, and Scripture speaks warmly of it (see 'What does Scripture say about adopting children?'). As Barth says, "adoption is also a great blessing and a mercy to many orphaned children".

If you are facing infertility, your grief is not unbelief. You are not alone. "God remembered Rachel, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb" (Genesis 30:22). Whatever God gives or withholds, He is good. If you would like to talk through your situation, please speak with an elder or use our contact form.

Read: A Christian Case Against In Vitro Fertilization, Paul J. Barth; Discerning Providential Guidance, Samuel Pike.

Pray, live the gospel, speak it when you can, and leave the results to God.

• Pray for them. Only God can open a heart. It is His Spirit who, "enlightening our minds in the knowledge of Christ, and renewing our wills", persuades and enables sinners to embrace Christ (Shorter Catechism 31). "I have planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase" (1 Corinthians 3:6). Those who stop you from talking to them, cannot stop you from praying for them.
• Let your life speak. Peter tells believing wives that their husbands may be won "without the word" by their "chaste conversation", that is, their godly conduct (1 Peter 3:1-2). Kindness, patience and honesty at home are a witness in themselves.
• Be ready to answer. Peter says, "be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear" (1 Peter 3:15). When the door opens, speak plainly about Christ: who He is, what He has done, and His call to repent and believe.
• Be wise about time and manner. "Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time" (Colossians 4:5). "A soft answer turneth away wrath" (Proverbs 15:1). Avoid nagging and quarrelling: "the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men" (2 Timothy 2:24).
• Invite them to hear the Word. Paul says, "faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God" (Romans 10:17). An invitation to a service, or a short book, may be welcome even when conversations are not.

Be patient; you may wait for years. Your faithfulness matters, but the outcome is God's. If you would like help, please speak with an elder or use our contact form.

Read: The Anxious Inquirer After Salvation Directed and Encouraged, John Angell James; Sinners Welcome to Come to Jesus Christ, Archibald Alexander.

This is painful for many families; you are not alone in it. Love and truth belong together. Paul speaks of "speaking the truth in love" (Ephesians 4:15).

What Scripture teaches. God made us "male and female" (Genesis 1:27), and "Marriage is to be between one man and one woman" (Westminster Confession 24.1). The seventh commandment forbids sexual relations outside that marriage, including those between two men or two women (Larger Catechism 139). We cannot call good what God calls sin, even to keep the peace. But the same Bible holds out hope. After naming many sins, Paul writes, "And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus" (1 Corinthians 6:11). The call to repent and believe is for your family member, as it is for you.

Staying close.

• Pray. Pray for your family member by name, and for wisdom for yourself.
• Keep loving. Stay in touch, be kind, and show that your love has not changed. The sixth commandment asks for "charitable thoughts, love, compassion, meekness, gentleness, kindness" (Larger Catechism 135).
• Be honest without constant arguing. Once your convictions are known, you need not repeat them at every meeting. "the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men" (2 Timothy 2:24). "Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt" (Colossians 4:6).
• Keep a good conscience. Some choices, such as whether to attend certain events, are hard. Talk them over with an elder, or use our contact form.

"If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men" (Romans 12:18). You do not have to carry this alone. Please come and talk with us.

Read: That Ye Love One Another, John Love.